“Do all the good you can, By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can, In all the places you can,
To all the people you can, As long as ever you can.”
Mentoring is to support and encourage people to manage their own learning in order that they may maximize their potential, develop their skills, improve their performance and become the person they want to be.
- All students are humans and are good, but they can do better.
- Most students already know what to do to improve their lives and studies. The question is – why aren’t they doing it?
Your thinking creates your reality and your thoughts drive your actions.
What holds us back are not external realities, but internal patterns of thought.
IMPORTANT V/S URGENT
Things and thoughts that are considered Important – surprisingly do not motivate our actions.
We get into action, when we consider it Urgent …!!!
For example –
- It is important to have a healthy lifestyle – good eating habits and exercise …. And we know it. Unless we consider urgent, we do not get into action. When does it become urgent for us … when we actually fall sick or get into a disease complication.
- Similarly, we all know that it is important to study, but unless it becomes urgent [with the approach of exams], we do not seriously get down to studying.
SO DEFINE …. WHAT IS URGENT AND WHAT IS IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE …..
MOTIVATION IS A MOTIVE FOR ACTION
MOTIVATION V/S INSPIRATION
No one can motivate anyone.
I cannot motivate you …. You can only get motivated yourself …. I can just inspire you to motivate yourself … I can create an environment that is motivating …!!!
WHAT DEMOTIVATES US
Motivation will not work, unless demotivating factors are removed. And to remove them, identify and accept your demotivating factors. And consider it urgent that you have to remove them.
What will happen if you drive a car with the brakes on … brakes offer resistance … leading to overheating and breakdown.
We live our lives with our brakes own …. Our self-limiting belief systems …. Our emotional brakes.
- I am happy with the way things are … I do not want to take risks …. I don’t know what the future has …. I am OK in my comfort zone.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love or live ..!!!
- Quitting – I tried, but I couldn’t. so I left it ….but failing does not mean you are a failure. Persist in what must be done and resist what should not be done.
- I can’t see immediate results …. So what is the use …. Who knows that I will get a result even if I try long? Remember thinking short term is limited vision. There is no instant pill or magic formula to anything.
- Priorities? Never thought about it … what are they? … To prioritize is to do what needs to be done now… and not taking action based on our moods. To succeed is not the priority. To do one’s best is.
- Is there any short-cut? …It is easy to temporarily and superficially achieve something – with shortcuts. The key is to get to the fundamental cause – for which there are no instant answers or short-cuts.
- I do not have confidence … AUDE SAPERE … more important than opposing something …. Is to stand for something … do not be a part of the problem …. Be a part of the solution.
- I do not know how to plan and prepare … according to Shiv Khera: Preparation = Purpose + Principle + Plan + Practice + Persist + Patience + Pride
Tolerate failure – do not accept it. Face defeat without feeling defeated.
Admit mistake à do not keep thinking about it àlearn from it àdo not repeat it àdo not justify or blame
- I am justified …. I am not to be blamed …. Excuses do not work …. Do not justify and give reasons for failure …. Be unreasonable … rise above reasons
- Fear … fear …. Fear …. Of unknown, of failure, of rejection, etc …Fear blocks our reasoning and logical thinking – leads to flight response – to escape from the problem and not to face it.
- I think I am not disciplined …. Discipline is honoring one’s word …. To do what you say …. You give your word … you do it … this leads to self respect … and leads others to respect you.
- I think I am useless … I do not appreciate and love myself …. Then how do expect other to love and appreciate you … lack of self respect and self worth are major demotivators.
SO WHAT NEXT
- Mentoring cannot be forced upon anyone.
- Mentors do not choose students. Students choose mentors
- Students need to be primarily motivated so that they can understand whether or not they need mentoring.
- The first criteria that a student looks for in a mentor is approachability.
- Approachability is that belief that a student has that she/he will be listened to, understood without fear or force or bias.
- The first step of the student is to realize the need to be mentored without fear or shame à accept the demotivators à commit to working on oneself à and do it
- The first step for the mentor is to LISTEN – not to shout, not to tag a failure or discriminate, not to be biased.
What should a student do
|What a student should do||What should a student not do|
|Take the initiative: recognize the need for mentoring and seek it out||Avoid difficulties: do not expect mentors to solve all your problems for you|
|Avoid perfectionism: accept that you will make mistakes, and learn from them||Sidestep work: do not expect mentors to do work that you should be doing yourselves|
|Work hard: are prepared to give your best||Stay in your comfort zone: do not shy away from new learning experiences|
|Share: sharing is a powerful tool – it helps you to throw out your negativities and it inspires fellow mates||Bottle it up: do not avoid talking about problems, anxieties, or grief because it makes you seem less than perfect|
For the mentors
- Respect the student’s time as much as your own.
- Expect the student to move toward his/her goals; not yours.
- Recognize and work through conflicts in a respectful way; invite discussions of differences.
- Keep the door open for your student
- Assume that your schedule always has priority.
- Automatically give advice or criticism.
- Assume your advice will be followed.
- Expect a clone of yourself.
- Don’t try to force your mentee to follow in your footsteps. If the footsteps fit, she will follow them voluntarily. Value the mentees unique path and where he/she is along that path.
- Avoid discussion of inappropriate subjects and forcing your solutions in conflicts.
A mentor is a “learning leader” who facilitates a learning process, rather than as a guru who passes down “the word” to the mentee.
The responsibilities of a mentor are as follows:
- creates a positive relationship and climate of open communication
- helps the student identify problems and solutions
- leads the student through problem solving processes
- offers constructive feedback in a supportive way
- shares stories, including mistakes
- must be honest, motivated with a clear mission to motivate
The lack of effective communication is the greatest barrier to healthy relationships with co-workers, friends, family, and others. The mentor and student must both effectively listen and give meaningful feedback.
What is a teacher? It isn’t someone who teaches something, but someone who inspires the student to give of her best in order to discover what she already knows.”
“The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.”
Great people construct monuments with the stones their critics throw at them…! Dr. Sumit Goel is a Doctor, Author and Motivational Speaker, who amalgamates the fundamentals of medicine with those of Life … the mission is not only to restore the sick to health, but to facilitate the achievement of the higher purpose of existence.